Hola, its really been a while since my last post. Tho’ i wish i can post regularly about anything in my thoughts in here, but in fact i still keep making excuse to not open this site to write or even for reads some. If in this whole time i will use “Busy of making life” as an excuse why i didn’t write anything while i’ve been so much in my mind to write’s about, this time i’m still gonna using that excuse *lol.
Well you know that being adult, having a 9 am to 6 pm “life” and still having a time to exist at some social media ain’t as easy as it see :))). At some point, did you ever feel in the end of the day, all you wanna do is only getting down to your bed in your lovely room with nothing to worries about?. Or at another point you just want to close your laptop sharp at 6 pm and going somewhere to get a drink and a nice catching up with some of your ladies to sit with. Or in another day, you want to have a “me time” and do some of your hobbies like reading a book in a corner of coffee shop, but you ends up hiding behind your blanket and sleep all along day. In the end of this routine there’ll be so many excuse you, your self creating and ends up doing nothing. And This is what actually happened to me at least since this years begins.
When i looked into my rooms and found a stack of new books that i never really read since i am buying it, in a minute i feel so surprised and got a feeling like :
” what it’s that ? where the hell they’re coming from ?”
Just until i see them closely and realized “oh shit, this is the book that i have been bought last years and never read it for whole this time !!”, What i have done with my time -.-”
As i said before that i feel i’m losing so much things since this years begin, while in fact this time i realized that there’s so much thing i really wanna do in my daily routine but why i have so little time to do that ? does the time turning so fastly or did i do so slowly. When i try to breakdown my daily routine to see where exactly my daily time goes on, i found the fact that actually there’s too many time’s i’ve been wasting in my office, tho’ i’m not that so busy with my work. But i don’t know why there’s no left time to do the whole things i wanna do even for reading a book. Well, sometimes i’ve blame on drama korea that i’ve been watching a lot :)))
Long time ago, i was thinking that being adult means i can manage my time so well and doing so much to my life, my family. But i’ve become the one who can’t manage my time that well. Especially this years, while in the morning i have 9 to 6 and studying or make a homework and in my whatsapp grup asking “can we going out tonight ladies ?” and at the same time’s my moms will calling me and ask “did you dinner at home or not ?” and the next minute i still sit at my desk doing some “kuis” or making the presentation for my final exams and forget all the things about going out and having dinner lately. Repeat that for every week.
Sometimes i’m laughing when i faced this situation, and sometimes i want to scream and stop all the things and just giving up. By just having this situation make me never thinking about having relationship. I mean not because i wan’t . I do really want having one. Having the one who i can talk about how my days going, but i dont think i have enough time to give that special one space to take my heart away. And i dont think he can handle me while sometimes i can’t even handle my self and lost my self in the middle of this crazyness :))
What i’m trying now is re-mapping the life i have and start setting my journal and finishing this messed up asap. Or i’m pretty sure i’ll be lost further. Just wish me luck !